1,000,000 Signatures for Uwe (4/15/08)

We've all made our mistakes.  We've made decisions we're not proud of and hurt people we've cared about.  Far be it from me to pass judgement on my fellow man.  However, I don't consider Dr. Uwe Boll to be my fellow man.  He is, in fact, a spacefaring transdimensional sower of discord vomited from the Fiery Pits to prepare the way for Armageddon.
Watching his Youtube videos and reading up on his publicity stunts may lull you into thinking that this man is making amazingly bad movies and outrageous statements just for the hell of it, but first hand accounts seem to reinforce the idea that he believes that he's putting out true cinema magic whenever he's in the director's chair.
His movies are bad.  And I don't mean in a Paul Verhoeven kind of way, where you really should watch them just to see why some people rip on them and why some people love them.  I mean in a late-career Ed Wood kind of way, where watching it causes you to lie awake at night and ponder how someone who loves film so much can make such a strong case for the burning of celluloid to prevent another such travesty from being unleashed upon humanity's collective psyche.
He actually seems to be unable to mentally process the fact that his movies are terrible, and often writes inflammatory letters to anyone who dares think otherwise.
Most of us had resolved ourselves to the fact that movies based off of a gaming license will be pretty mediocre, but after Boll let loose House of the Dead on us, gamers saw that the genre could truly be used for evil.  It's a snap to type his name into Google and get plenty of blogs or written articles on how hated this man is by the audience he's supposed to be getting the most support from, but actions speak louder than words.
At the Penny Arcade Expo in 2007, Boll made a special guest appearance.  At first, he's greeted with both cheers and boos, and I've got to give the man props for rolling with the punches.  But whatever humor and good will he might have started off with were lost as soon as he started rolling a preview of Postal.  In the seven minutes the trailer is rolling, over half of the conference room has cleared out.  Has that ever happened at PAX before?  If any past attendees know of any other speakers that have caused a mass exodus, I'd love to know.
This whole rant was brought up when I read the article on /Film mentioning that Uwe Boll said that he would need "one million" signatures on a petition to get him to stop making films.  The petition in question is here.  Do I believe Uwe will actually stop at one million?  Of course not!  However, gamers have been known to go to extremes when they get angry enough (and you should have seen the thousands of reviews that were up before Amazon decided to start cleaning up the Making Peace with Your Inner Overachiever entry), so who knows?
Even if the millionth signature doesn't stop Boll from excreting a new movie every year, the smug sense of self-satisfaction will last you all day.  And then you'll wake up the next morning and realize that your gesture was just as meaningless as Alone in the Dark.  So it goes.
That poll, once again, is right here.